Patchwork Heart

We all have our memories. One of my best friends in life says our memories are our soul.  I think he is right.  Our experiences shape who we are, right to our very core.  A soul is not a static place, but a dynamic idea that shifts all the time. One thing I have learned is you leave pieces of yourself everywhere you go.  Every place I have set foot has a piece of my soul.  What’s more, every person I connect with has a little part of my heart.  I have strings from my soul to people and places all over the world.  That’s what life is - breaking yourself down so you can replace the empty pieces with bigger things, new ideas, different cultures, and most importantly, the love of others. If we don’t let pieces of ourselves get lost along the way, new pieces cannot find their way to us. Your soul is a patchwork quilt, a new bit sewn together each day.

The Lord is the ultimate healer and protector of my soul, but a beautiful thing about Him is He created us to build relationships. He Himself is a triune, three people in one, so He created us in His image to love and interact with others. Thus, I believe each soul is a patchwork heart. Pieces of others’ lives are stitched into our hearts, which is sometimes frayed and imperfect, but beautiful in its own right. The Lord created you with His tender hands, leaving room for growth and new life in Him. He will mend the frayed edges and revive the faded colors. Patchwork quilts are woven with care, well-loved by others because each piece tells a story. I know, at least in West Virginia, these quilts are cherished for generations, passed down through gentle and loving hands. Cherish your heart like this. 

You may give some patches of yourself to others, sharing memories and experiences with them before you realize what is happening. In the best situations, they return the favor, adding more quilt squares to your soul than you ever thought possible. Sometimes people take beautiful parts of you and trash them, tearing your seams for no good reason. When this brokenness threatens to overtake you, seek the ultimate Mender and those people who help shape you into the beautiful soul you are. You will return to the beloved person you were created to be. 

Realize your soul a beautiful heritage, telling stories of those who have come before you and those you have met along your journey. The bright colors mingled among the dark hues of hard times are the unique patchwork that makes you who you are. Know the warmth hidden in your depths can be a comfort to those surrounding you. Even the frayed edges caused by those experiences that left you a little worse for wear bring character to your soul. Others can see those holes and know you struggled through something, but are still the colorful comfort they find on cold winter nights. Your soul is as unique as these quilts. Do not worry too much about your frayed edges. Live your life gathering and giving as many colors and patterns as possible.

Omnes Domum Reduent

Everyone Returns Home.  That's what the title means in Latin.

I have been very aware of the notion of home lately.  I have blogs written about leaving your comfort zone and having the courage to walk away from home.  Now I want to focus on the joy that is home.

You know the simplicity of childhood?  How lovely it was that your only worry was how to make your blanket fort bigger? That’s the feeling I experience with Jesus.  When I truly rest in His presence and His grace, my worries just disappear.  It is not a complicated love.  It is a love like childhood - a love of innocence, of purity, of laughter, of joy, of ice cream on the porch.  People try to make religion a complicated institution, when in reality, it is a simple relationship with Jesus Christ.  He loves you like his child.  He wraps you in his arms, twirling your hair with his nail scarred hands. 

My favorite story in the Bible is the homecoming of the prodigal son.  The son decides he wants an extravagant life, but it ends up leading him to squalor.  He comes home, yearning for the simple life he once knew, even if it means being a servant.  But when he comes home, his father greets him with open arms.  His father doesn’t care what he has done, he simply wants to love and take care of him again.  This paints a beautiful picture of our Heavenly Father.  He does not see our miserable selves, but an innocent child who needs love. We run away from Him, from our true home, to see what the world can offer us.  We eventually realize nothing can beat the comfort of home.  We come running back to find our Father on the front porch, arms wide open.  Nothing is sweeter.

In a literal sense, this is how I feel coming home from school.  I can feel the worries of the world leave me as I walk through my front door.  More often than not, I come home and fall asleep on the couch because I do not have to worry about anything.  I am safe and warm with the people I love most.  That is what the simple love of Jesus gives us - a home.

I am not saying the entire life of a Christian is easy or comfortable.  But I am saying the gentle call of the Lord whispering, “Come home, daughter, just come home, and let me love you” makes it all worth it.

Country Roads Always Lead Home

As I sit on my back porch in the heart of the Appalachian mountains, I can't help but be thankful for my West Virginia heritage.  I have written numerous papers and blogs about my love for the mountain state.  Today, on Mountain Mama's birthday, I continue to fall in love with this state.  Honestly, I think if everyone had a little bit of West Virginia in their blood, the world would be a better place.

In West Virginia, we swing life away on porches.  We chat with our neighbors for hours and share a glass of lemonade with strangers.  Summer days are spent barefoot in the creek chasing the shadows and minnows in the cool water.  Summer evenings are best enjoyed making lanterns with lightning bugs caught under the moon.  Autumn strolls by on ball fields and campfires.  The hills are ignited in color, creating an aroma of melancholy and beauty unmatched by anything else.  Winter wriggles into our lungs as the boney fingers of trees are covered in a blanket of pure white snow.  Giggles intertwine with the steam of hot chocolate shared after a day of tracing our way down hills on sleds. Spring reminds us of the grace of God as the hills come alive in a cacophony of bird songs and redbuds.  We all catch spring fever and once again spend our days barefoot in the grass, even if there's still a little snow in the shady places.

We all need more West Virginia in our blood.  Our heritage is hard work and family.  This state was formed straight from the mountains, where we foster love and hospitality.  The road has not always been easy for us.  We are still made fun of for our backwards ways and bare feet.  But every time someone sneers at me when I reply "West Virginia" to their question of where I am from, I smile because I know the secrets of the mountains.  I know the values fostered in this state, which they may never experience.

Maybe our secret is barefoot days and lightning bug nights.  Maybe it is the beauty we have always found in the simple things.  Maybe it is our value of God and family (and here, everyone is family).  Grass stains and muddy toes are not a burden to us, but a reminder of a day well spent.  Conversations are not an inconvenience, but a blessing that intertwines all our stories.  Food is not just a necessity to our health because a meal of beans and taters shared with the ones you love is laughter and prayers cherished for a lifetime.  The world would be a better place if we all made those things our priorities.

There's something about this place that makes it home to everyone, not just the ones born here.  When you breathe in the mountain air, it finds its way deep into your bones and refuses to leave.  Always remember where you're from.  Cherish your accent because there is a culture all its own in y'alls and hollers.  Even if you move away, find a creek and take off your shoes.  West Virginia is the perfect mixture of mountains, love, and simplicity.  So happy birthday, Mountain Mama. You are the closest to heaven we will get on this side of eternity. I am blessed to always call you home.

An Apology

In a time of political turmoil, there are so many blogs and "open letters" of various kinds with the writer's opinion on a certain matter.  There are so many arguments out there, I have a hard time keeping them straight.  I honestly am on the fence about so many issues that I am not even going to attempt to address any of these things.  There is nothing in the Bible about whether we should support Bernie or Trump, or boycott stores because of a bathroom policy.  There are two things, though, that the Bible clearly states.  These two things are what I am clinging to in the time of political upheaval in our country.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  There is no other commandment greater than these." - Mark 12:30-31

Could Jesus be any more clear?  He specifically and radically calls us to do one thing: love.  First, love God, because He is the ultimate Creator and is worthy of our love.  Additionally, when you love Christ, it is easier to love others.  When you realize we are all equally cherished and desired by the God who hung the moon, loving others seems a natural response.  If he can love me in my wretchedness, I can certainly love others in theirs.

I understand both sides of nearly every controversy out there, or I at least try to.  I also try to look at these issues through a Biblical lense.  There usually isn't a clear cut path in the scriptures regarding who I should vote for or what store I should support.  But every time I look in the Bible, Jesus clearly states our need to love those around us.

As believers, this is our doorway into showing other the love of Christ, which is so much greater than anything the world can give them.   God does not need our help judging anyone - He's got that covered.  He calls us out of our comfort to love and be His body on earth.  To me, it seems rather difficult for a non-believer to draw Christ's love out of all the slander thrown their direction.  I hold tight to these verses because there is no greater feeling than love.  That is what we all strive for on this earth, but instead, we are surrounded by hatred and negativity.

I am not saying one view is more right than the other.  I am also not degrading the fact that everyone has an opinion.  I am just saying that there are a lot better things to do with our short lives than to hate on other people.  Christ calls us to love on others so the world may see Him.

If you are reading this as a person who does not believe in a god, or Jesus, please know that I love you.  I may not agree with everything you do, but I love you just the same.  More than that, though, Jesus does.  You may have experienced hatred from people who claim the name of Christ, and for that I am deeply sorry.  I just want you to know that there is a God who loves you more than you can imagine.

The Head and the Heart

In our lives, our head is in constant battle with our heart.  Our head inhabits the rational part of our existence, while the heart is a little more impulsive.  Every choice we face reignites a battle between the two - at least the hard ones do.  That's why we struggle to make big decisions.  Our head is in opposition to our heart.

"Everything will be okay," says the head.

"He's lying, cry until it hurts," says the heart.

Sometimes I find it easy to listen to my logic.  I know one choice is the far more reasonable one.  Every now and then, though, I develop these terrible things called emotions.  They wriggle their way into my brain and short circuit all my neurons.  A logical thought gets lost in translation, and my decisions no longer make sense.

I get overwhelmed by a storm of emotions, each fighting for my attention.  The logical and reasonable thoughts are swallowed by the waves.  I am but a boat with a broken sail in the depths of a hurricane.  Luckily, I know the One who calms the storms and walks on water.  He has the ability to command the tumultuous sea to stop its turning and listen to Him.

Know it is okay to cry because tears are needed to cleanse your heart of its burdens.  Know it is also necessary to pick yourself up, put on your big girl panties, and say "everything will be okay."  My dear, it will be.  The clouds may seem as black as night, but the remember One who calmed the storm can calm your raging heart.

Grass-Stained Knees

When I was younger, I knew it had been a good day when I came in with dirt in my hair and grass stains on my knees.  It meant I had explored and adventured most of the day. It meant I was so full of memories of made-up sword fights or imagined dragons that I could barely stay awake.  It meant that for most of the day, I was probably uncomfortably hot and sweaty, but never had I been happier.

As humans, we cling to our comfort zones.  We are hermits in our comfort. We create these walls around us that define our contentment levels.  As soon as we get remotely close to these barriers, we freak out.  Oh no, we think.  I can't go out there - to the real world.  What if I make a mistake?  What if I get hurt?  It is so much safer in here.

Okay, so what?  So what if you do make a mistake?  You learn from it.  What if you do get hurt?  Then you heal and move on.  Your comfort zone is a safe environment, but nothing ever grows there! Every day is a new adventure - a new experience with new opportunities.

I write this as much to myself as to you.  I love being comfortable.  It is my sanctuary.  There are days where I would love to do nothing but curl under the covers with a cup of coffee and a book because it is safe and cozy and warm.  But what would I learn if I did that every day?  What memories would I create?

When I get older, I hope to have this mental scrapbook of memories and life lessons with rips in the pages, coffee rings on the corners, and grass stains on the spine. There will be stories marred with storms and heartbreak, and others decorated with sunshine and laughter.  Regardless, I want to flip through the tattered pages and pluck vivid memories from them. To me, the most terrifying thing in life is not change or being uncomfortable, but looking back on nothing but empty, dust-covered pages.

I write this, and my past couple of blogs, encouraging you to leave your comfort zone.  Do one thing every day that absolutely terrifies you.  It can be as small as making a phone call (which makes my heart race more than cliff jumping), or as drastic as white water rafting in a monsoon (which I don't recommend, but hey, it could be fun).  Life isn't meant to be lived as a prisoner of comfort.  Sure, your comfort zone is wonderful place to return to now and again, but you shouldn't reside there.

Dance in the rain. Talk to strangers.  Go skydiving. Pet lots of dogs. Fight dragons. Be a living Gospel. Do things that scare you.  You may come away from it heartbroken, but at least you tried.  You learned from it, good or bad.  You created a scrapbook memory that will lift your spirits or be a lesson to teach your children.

Know anything worth doing always contains a risk of failure, but the uncertainty is so worth it.  I pray that you never look back and see dusty pages, but rich experiences that shaped you as a person. Don't be afraid to get a grass-stained heart. It means you've had a good life - a life of adventuring and exploring everything the world has to offer.  

Carry On, Wayward Son

I am sorry I haven't written in a while.  I've been busy laying in a hammock all summer.  In fact, that is what I am doing currently.  I have been ridiculously lazy this summer.  I have done a few crafts and counseled at camp, but over all, I have done nothing but lay around.  On some level, I needed the relaxation.  I had a hard spring semester, and the fall isn't going to be any easier.  However, I learned that too much of a good thing can be bad.  For me, that meant lying on the couch.

I say all this for a reason.  I worked out some over the summer - mostly strength training.  Tuesday I decided I needed to get back into cardio.  This was a bad decision.  My legs are still sore.  I worked out with Kenny Burner and the soccer team for a little bit.  For those of you that know Kenny, you know that he does nothing halfway, especially workouts.  It was then that I realized I am so out of shape compared to how I was during soccer season.  Anyway, we did some jump ropes and wall squats - nothing too terrible.  After that, I went for a run.  Keep in mind I haven't run in probably a month, maybe more.  And in that month, I have done very little cardio.  Being as smart as I am, I also decide bleachers are a great way to jump back into cardio.  News flash - it's not.  I hated bleachers when I was in shape.  To try to do them now was torture.  I was gasping for air after the first set; it was really a pitiful sight.

I know it sounds like I'm rambling about my fitness, or lack thereof, but I have a point.  I learned something this summer.  1. I hate cardio, and 2. your character is defined by how you act when people aren't looking.  

All of my life, I have had someone pushing me to do better.  In school, it was my classmates.  In soccer, it was my teammates.  At home, it was my family.  We all challenged one another to be our very best.  Now that I'm in college, it's just me.  My classmates don't care if I fail a test, I no longer have teammates, and I don't come home to Valley View at the end of a long day.  I had to learn self-discipline in every walk of life.  From school to reading my Bible.  

I realized this with each step I took on the bleachers in the hot sun on Tuesday.  I could stop right then and no one would notice. I could stop the pain in my legs, the burning in my lungs.  I could just...stop.  But something inside pushed me to keep going - I was determined to conquer the bleachers again.  There was no trophy or crowd cheering me on at the finish line.  It was just me and the setting sun.  

Life is full of moments like this.  There is no glory in late night studying in a dorm room.  There is no great reward in waking up at 6 to hit the gym.  There is not a trophy for kindness.  You don't get a pat on the back every time you say "please" and "thank you."  Sometimes, it feels like there is no good reason to continue working hard and being kind.  You do these things and you get nothing in return. 

Or so it seems.

All of these moments that seem pointless are what determine your character.  Doing one more set of bleachers when you want to pass out determines your character.  Studying one more hour when you want to do nothing but sleep determines your character.  Being nice to the waitress when she spills your drink all over you determines your character.  

Galatians 6:9 says, "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."  Kindness, determination, and hard work may not have any immediate reward on Earth, but God promises that He will give us so much more in Heaven. 

In the same way, if you continue to work hard - to complete the bleachers - and still feel downtrodden, remember Colossians 3:23: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters."  In those times when you feel no one is watching, or that no one will notice if you stop, God is with you.  He sees your weariness, but He will give you strength to carry on.  He sees your heart like no one else, and He knows you are capable of so much more.